This Shabbat the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation is sponsoring a Shabbat to strenthen the laws of guarding one's tongue in order to unify the Jewish People at this difficult time in Israel. My Dvar Torah is related to this theme.
When I was a kid, I used to love the deli meat tongue. I thought it was delicious. I would order it anytime we went to a deli. One day my mom ztz"l asked me, "Do you know what tongue is?" "No," I said. "I never thought about it." "It's a cow's tongue," she informed me. "No, it's not." I said. "Yes, it is." She said, "That why it's called tongue!" After that, I never ate tongue again.
I always remember this incident with my mom when I come across the following midrash. The midrash (Vayikra Rabbah 33:1) relates that Rabban Gamliel once asked his servant Tavi to bring him the best and tastiest thing he could find from the marketplace. Tavi came back with a tongue - a very fancy delicacy. Rabban Gamliel then asked Tavi to bring the worst and most disgusting thing he could find from the marketplace. Tavi again came back with a tongue! Rabban Gamliel said, "What are you doing? You brought back a tongue both times!" Tavi answered that when a tongue is good there is nothing better, but when it is bad there is nothing worse. (The midrash relates that it is Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel who directs Tavi to the market. The Rashash to Midrash Rabbah, however, points out that it was Rabban Gamliel who was Tavi's master).
Tavi's insight is truly amazing. The words a person speaks can be transformative. A person's tongue can be the best: it has the ability to convey love, to make someone laugh, to comfort a mourner or to calm a person who is ill. A dvar Torah can inspire someone to become closer to Hashem. But a person's tongue can also be the worse: it can spew words of hurt which can never be retracted. A rumor spread about someone can ruin their reputation. And a few words can destroy a relationship forever. Tavi teaches us how powerful our words can be. They can be exhilarating. And they can be scary.
There are so many areas of Shemirat Halashon -- the laws of guarding our tongue -- which we have to be cautious about, I would like to focus on speaking ill about people we don't get along with. When you get along with someone, you are not likely to speak ill to them or about them. However, when you don't get along with someone, it is so easy to be nasty to them and to speak ill of them behind their backs. It is a trap to speak Lashon Hara - hateful and hurtful words.
Luckily, we have an incredible role model to help us avoid this trap: Mordechai. No, not me, Mordechai Hayehudi from the Purim story. The Megillah describes how the Jews of Shushan were saved by the heroic efforts of Queen Esther and Mordechai. The last verse of the Megillah tells us that Mordechai became the King's second-in-command and was exalted among the Jews. We would expect it to end with the greatest praise of Mordechai, but instead it says the craziest thing: "Veratzu'e Lerov Echav - Mordechai found favor with most of his breathen." It is incredible - Mordechai's great praise is that MOST people liked him? How depressing! Here is a man who helped save all of the Jews in the Persian Empire. Why was he pleasing to only most and not all of them? Ibn Ezra explains that it is impossible to have everyone like you. There will always be someone who is jealous of you, or who disagrees with you or who just doesn't like you. So how do we deal with such people? The Megillah's last line tells us. It says, "Doresh Tov Leamo Vedover Shalom Lekhol Zaro" - Mordechai sought peace and spoke peaceful to everyone (see Rashi). Mordechai never spoke ill of anyone. Even though there were people who didn't like him, and he knew it, he never spoke nastily to them and never spoke ill behind their backs. Mordechai's greatest praise was his ability to avoid the great pitfalls of Lashon Hara - hateful and hurtful speech.
Mordechai must be our model. We must be careful to guard our tongues especially when it is most difficult, especially when it is so easy to say something mean, especially when it is against someone we don't get along with.
The midrash (Vayikra Rabbah 33:1) says that Rebbi -- the great Talmudic sage -- once prepared a meal for his students. What did he serve them? Tongue, of course. The serving plate had pieces of tongue that were soft and tender and others that were tough and hard. The students all took the soft pieces and left the hard ones. Rebbi said to his students, "In this same way, you should always have your tongue speak words that are soft and tender and hold back those which are tough and hard." May each of us teach our tongues to do the same.
Rabbi
Mordechai Friedfertig
Congregation B'nai Shalom
Williamsville,
New York
Email: mordechai at utj.org
Copyright 2001-2003 by Mordechai Friedfertig