How do we relate to a person who has sinned and repented? Jewish Law is very clear on this question. The Mishnah in Bava Metzia (4:10) rules that it is forbidden to remind someone of their past sins after they have done Teshuvah. You may never say to someone, "Hey, I remember when you used to eat pork!" or "Remember how much you used to love golfing on Shabbat?" No matter what their purpose, such statements fall into the category of "Ona'at Devarim - hurting another person with words" (see also Rambam, Hilkhot Teshuvah 7:8). But what about reminding yourself of your own past transgressions? Are we permitted to think or talk about sins for which we have already repented? Or, would doing so be considered a form of Ona'at Devarim - hurting ourselves with thoughts or words? Surprisingly enough, recalling one's own past sins is not forbidden; it is, in fact, encouraged. In Hilkhot Teshuvah (2:8, based on Yoma 86a), the Rambam rules that even after one repents for sins, and is forgiven for them, one should do Teshuvah for these same transgressions every Yom Kippur. This means you must remind yourself every year, over and over again, of your old sins. This is pretty amazing. What about starting over with a clean slate? What about becoming like a newborn child? Why does the Halakhah advise us to relive shameful parts of our past instead of putting them behind us?
The answer to this question can be found in the story of Rabbi Shimon ben Lakish. Reish Lakish - as he is known - is one of the most brilliant and famous rabbis in the Talmud. But his beginnings are shrouded in mystery. We first hear of him in Massekhet Bava Metzia (84a): one day, the Talmud tells us, Rabbi Yochanan was bathing in the Jordan River. All of a sudden Reish Lakish - who was a bandit - jumped in to attack him. Rabbi Yochanan said to the powerful man, "Your strength should be devoted to Torah." Reish Lakish replied to the handsome rabbi, "Your beauty should be devoted to women." Rabbi Yochanan said, "If you return, I will let you marry my sister, who is even more beautiful than me." Reish Lakish began to do Teshuvah - to repent. Rabbi Yochanan taught him Torah and he became a great sage.
A simple reading of this story would suggest that Reish Lakish grew up as a non-observant Jew and Rabbi Yochanan was Mekarev him - encouraged him to become religious. But not so fast. Printed on the side of the Talmud is the commentary known as Tosafot. One of the Tosafot, Rabbenu Tam, has a unique theory about Reish Lakish. Rabbenu Tam says that before Reish Lakish became a bandit, he was an accomplished Torah scholar. Rabbenu Tam bases his opinion on various talmudic proofs. For example, the words Rabbi Yochanan spoke to Reish Lakish during their initial encounter, "Ee Hadarta Bekha - If you return, I will let you marry my sister." In order to return to something, one must have believed in it in the first place. Also, in the Talmud in Massekhet Shabbat (119b), it is reported that Reish Lakish said that he had a tradition from "his fathers." This would imply that his family was observant; the fact that he was aware of their traditions suggests that Reish Lakish himself had been a scholar. Rabbenu Tam therefore concludes that Reish Lakish was brought up religious, but then fell away into a life of sin. After he repented, he became an even greater scholar than he had been before.
Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik - known as the Rov - discusses the transformation of Reish Lakish in a collection of his talks on repentance called "Al HaTeshuvah." Based on Rabbenu Tam's theory, the Rov asks, how is it that Reish Lakish became an even greater Torah scholar after he repented than he was before he had sinned? While he was out stealing and being a bandit, he certainly was not engaged in the study of Torah! How is it that despite years of transgressions, and alienation from Torah learning, Reish Lakish attain such heights? The Rov gives an incredible answer: Reish Lakish surpassed his former greatness because of, not despite, his transgressions.
The Rov explains that there are two ways to repent: one can either blot out their sins, or rectify and elevate them. Blotting out one's sins means eradicating one's past completely. Instead of looking back on years of transgressions, an individual makes a clean break with the past and obliterates all negative memories. When this person does Teshuvah -- when this person "returns" -- he returns to where he stood prior to sinning. The second way to repent is completely different. This way actually requires one to remember their sins. Keeping past sins in the forefront of one's mind can propel a person to new heights. The intensity of sin, and the sense of guilt and shame that overwhelms a person in its wake, drives the penitent in the direction of Hashem. When this person does Teshuvah -- when this person "returns" -- he does not return to a more positive version of himself. He returns to the Creator of the universe.
According to the Rov, Reish Lakish chose the second means of Teshuvah. Because he constantly reminded himself of his past transgressions, he was always motivated to rectify them. The evil of thievery became, for him, a powerful and steady catalyst for learning Torah. And so, he became greater than he had ever been.
When we repent, when we strive to become better people and better Jews, we should not forget where we came from. We should look back and use those unpleasant memories to propel ourselves forward. Recalling our sins should make us more serious, more fervent, more passionate about rising above them. For example, one of the worse transgressions one person can commit against another is to gossip about him or her. The damage that is caused by hurtful words is irreparable. If a person has sinned by speaking Lashon Hara against another and repents, the thought of that transgression can be a great motivator. Remembering the pain and humiliation you caused another person can lead you to be more vigilant about guard your tongue. Simply being nicer to the person you injured is not enough: remembering how you sinned will help prevent you from speaking negatively about any other person. The same principle holds when it comes to our relationship with Hashem. The shameful thought of transgression a mitzvah, like violating Shabbat, can make us more punctilious in our observance of other mitzvot. This is why the Rambam rules that even after we repent, and our sins have been forgiven, we must continue to do Teshuvah for those very same transgressions. Cognizance of the past should be the foundation on which we build a more promising future.
The Talmud in Massekhet Yoma (86b) points out that Reish Lakish himself made two contradictory statements regarding Teshuvah. He first says, "Great is repentance because it transforms premeditated sins into mistakes." But he also says, "Great is repentance because it transforms premeditated sins into merits." So which does Teshuvah do - turn sins into mistakes or merits? The Rov says that Reish Lakish is referring to the two types of repentance. When he says that repentance transforms premeditated sins into mistakes, he is referring to repentance which ends in obliterating the transgression from one's memory. Such repentance does erase sin, but has no creative power. But his second statement, that repentance turns premeditated sins into merits, refers to the type of repentance which elevates and exalts sins -- which keeps transgressions firmly within one's memory. This form of Teshuvah alone motivates a person to serve Hashem in a new and improved way. This form of Teshuvah alone can transform a lowly bandit into a Gadol Hador, one of the greatest rabbis of his time.
Rabbi
Mordechai Friedfertig
Congregation B'nai Shalom
Williamsville,
New York
Email: mordechai at utj.org
Copyright 2001-2003 by Mordechai Friedfertig